Durex Condoms as Ballistic Defense

I was working a 24 hour shift for one of the metro Atlanta counties and we received a call for a person shot at about 0230 hours one morning. As I slumbered out of the station, we received further information from dispatch that it was going to be a self inflicted GSW to the head and patient was down in the front yard and not moving.

As we arrived in the neighborhood, we noticed the local PD arriving on scene and we followed them in. Immediately, I noted a white male face down in the front yard. As we approached the patient, I noticed a large caliber handgun (later found to be a 45 Magnum) lying next to the patient. There was a large pool of blood under the patients head and after a quick assessment I found he was Signal 48 (DOA). I noted a through and through wound to the head with the entrance near the right temple area and the exit towards the back left area of the head.

Later during the call, the local PD officer came to us and asked if we thought the bullet was still inside the patient. I explained that it "most likely" was not unless the patient had shot himself in the head, put the gun in his other hand, contorted his arm in such a way that he could self administer a second shot to the other side of his head, and in that case there would actually be two rounds in his skull not one (for the record, I have never been known to be a smart ass). We then decided to put our "CSI" skills to work and locate the lost round. We felt as if we had enough training for this endeavor as we had watched two episodes of CSI Miami that night during our down time.

After figuring out how the patient was most likely standing when he shot himself, we began looking at the residence (which is a row of apartments and the patient lived in the end apartment). We found a possible entry point in the outside wall of the front bedroom of the residence. We informed the PD investigator of our find and then followed him into the residence and to the bedroom. Once in the bedroom we found the bullet had passed directly over the bed and went into the wall across the room just above the dresser. We then accompanied the investigator next door while he asked that homeowner if he could look at her walls in search of this deadly, evasive bullet. That homeowner consented and we entered her residence.

Once inside, we noted a bullet hole behind her recliner chair and noted the bullet had passed through the chair and upon inspection of a large, heavy oak hutch across the room, we noted a bullet hole going into the second drawer from the top. I opened that drawer and saw a large, industrial size box of Durex condoms with an entrance hole but no exit hole. I then opened the box of condoms and saw that the bullet had pierced the first condom packaging and that the condom had STOPPED the large caliber round dead in its tracks. Now I don't know about you but that would be a good bit of advertising because if a Durex condom can stop an 45 magnum round after it has passed through 2 sides of a bony skull, 2 walls, a recliner, a heavy oak hutch drawer, and the packaging of the condom.....then sperm has no chance at all of escaping.

Now lets discuss the industrial size box of condoms for a minute. I am not sure why this particular lady (and I use that term very loosely) had such a large box (condoms).......maybe she was wishful thinking. This lady was approximately 45 years old and looked 60. She had more wrinkles than a nursing home. It was about 0300 in the morning at this time and she was still in heavy, heavy makeup complete with bright red lipstick. She was wearing a short house dress that came down to just above mid thigh. Her legs had so many visible veins it looked like a road map for NYC. She weighed about 250 and I bet 240 was from the waist up because she had this large body on little bitty legs. She was definitely a sight. I don't think there is enough alcohol in the world for any "logical thinking" man to sleep with this woman. Don't get me wrong, I know that beauty is only skin deep but I also believe that ugliness goes all the way to the dang bone. In fact, thinking back on the sight, I am positive that there are some things in this world that Viagra and alcohol would not work with and this was one of them. So to sum it up, if she thought she was going to be using all of the condoms in that industrial size box, she was either wishful thinking OR going to be using the condoms as balloons at an upcoming birthday party.